reviews
“Shaley Howard has been through a lot, and I bet she wouldn't change a thing. From coming out in the 70's, to being constantly misgendered and overcoming addiction, the events of her life make for a riveting read. It is the challenges and hardships that chisel us and reveal who we are (and keep us from being just a block of marble). What remains after all that chiseling is a striking figure, a one-of-a-kind woman who is always learning from her life. I love the message of this memoir: to love yourself exactly as you are. This book will help a lot of people!”
-China Forbes, Pink Martini
"Shaley Howard excels at telling her own story of being closeted and addicted, offering hard truths along with a healthy dose of humor. She reminds us that even in the grip of life’s toughest moments, we can still laugh, and find it in ourselves to come back to the life we deserve to live."
-Whitney Otto, Bestselling Author of How to Make an American Quilt
"Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch arrives at the perfect time in our history. The details shared describe experiences many of us can relate to and gain power in feeling seen and thus, understood. Finding strength through struggle isn’t easy and Shaley’s ability to guide us through her experiences with thoughtfulness, transparency, accountability and humor make this not only an enjoyable read, but an important one. While the journey to fully embrace who we are can be arduous, sharing her story will certainly make it easier for others."
-Kevin Cook/Poison Waters of Darcelle XV
Shaley Howard’s “Excuse Me, Sir” is an honest & revealing account of the struggles of growing up feeling different while searching for answers in drugs and alcohol. One can see the judgement, denial and pain for the “tomboy” in this story, trying to feel accepted by family, friends and self! Shaley’s search for safety can resonate with anyone who has ever been bullied or called-out because of who they are. Her struggles, failures, and “a-ha” moments in this book could help save a life and save relationships, and it is this honesty that I appreciated from page one.
-Christine Havrilla, songwriter/singer/musician
“The pressure to be “normal,” and by that, I mean normatively gendered and straight, can be completely overwhelming for kids who perceive their difference, as Shaley Howard’s memoir deftly reveals. Shaley recognized that she was a lesbian early on. And not just a lesbian, but a butch lesbian. She describes the bullying, both explicit and subtle, that she endured as a kid. My favorite line: “I was living in a gay version of the Salem Witch Trials.” And just like at Salem, where the surest way to avoid an accusation of witchcraft was to accuse someone else, Shaley heartbreakingly details how she tried to keep up the straight girl facade, often leaning into the homophobic slurs that surrounded her daily. Happily, after years of struggle, including drug and alcohol addiction and recovery, she embraces all aspects of her authentic butch self, much to the reader’s delight.”
-Professor Elizabeth Reis CUNY Macaulay Honors College
“Excuse Me, Sir! Memoirs of a Butch, is about the authors’ life growing up as a closeted butch lesbian in Portland, Oregon during the 1980s and 1990s. Shaley is an engaging storyteller, leading us through the oftentimes challenging path of her life. She grew up in up in a fractured family to living a painful and awkward life as a closeted lesbian for many years, to two bouts with addiction—first to alcohol, then several years later, to pain pills. Oh, did I mention the book is funny? If I seem to be harping on the latter point, it’s because I came away with the strong sense that the author might not have survived these ordeals to reach the midpoint of life, let alone thrive without a robust sense of humor that she’s unafraid of turning on herself. Thrive she has, running a successful business, contributing to the community in a variety of ways, and serving as a role model and mentor to countless young LGBTQ youth. Spend a few hours with Shaley Howard. I guarantee you’ll be entertained and uplifted. One thing you won’t be is disappointed.”
-Commissioner Claire Hall
A story about heart wrenching authenticity! Every time someone is brave enough to speak out about their experiences we grow as a collective. This story mirrors the fundamental truth we all come to see, that we are deeply social creatures that are both products of and testament against the forces that shape us. This is a touching, raw anecdote of growing up queer in the last fifth of the 20th century, of struggling to feel comfortable in our skin and most of all, learning to love and accept ourselves from deep within. Undoubtedly one of the most universal experiences, detailed here in Shaley's charmingly effusive humor and intelligence. 10/10 must read!
-Audible Customer
Goodread and amazon reviews
A Soul Stirring Narrative
Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch is a soul stirring narrative that addresses many facets of growing up in the 70's. Shaley shares her deeply personal experiences with us that include the struggles with being a closeted lesbian, drug and alcohol addictions and surviving a troubled childhood. Her story is told in a relatable way, with hope, humor and growth. It is a journey that reaches out to all of us and provides a deeper understanding of personal and societal issues and gives us the much needed inspiration to deal with and overcome these challenges. I strongly recommend this as a read for everyone.
All the stars for this tender retrospective!
The author’s conversational style gently takes the reader’s hand as if to say, “Let me show you how it all works out,” something every inner child can appreciate. Howard deftly balances the brutality of living in the closet in the late 20th century with the exhilaration of self-discovery. With humor, she cautions us to remove the rose-colored glasses when looking through the rear-view mirror. Her vulnerability reminds us just how dangerous it can be to live a life anything other than your fully authentic self.
An important read!
As part of the LGBTQ community, I know how very important representation is in this world. I would imagine it’s the same in the recovery community as well. This book does a beautiful job of serving stories, lessons, and truths right from the intersection of those two worlds. Thank you!
Raw, vulnerable, and real life. Love it!
Shaley Howard’s “Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch” was not what I expected. I was expecting to read a funny and light story about the humorous and outgoing Shaley I had seen portrayed to the public. This is a heartbreaking and real memoir with the struggles of addiction and a mentally ill parent, the misperceptions and misgendering of a masculine presenting lesbian, and the triumph of surviving and thriving! It’s a really good read with insightful moments as well as the funny ones too. I personally loved this book and look forward to reading anything else Shaley writes.
just read it!
Howard's memoir, Excuse me Sir! Memoir of a Butch is a page turning, heart wrenching, cup filling, laugh out loud, tear inducing, Shero’s journey. She details with depth and hilarity the complexities of her addictions, the whirlpool of shame strains and veritable blanket of fear keeping her closeted for two decades, finding her way within a family of origin lead by a self-obsessed and drenched in sadness mother who was also just doing her best as a “successful" female product of the Patriarchy of the 1950s – this memoir is a testament to the human spirit that in midlife, yes that’s right, at age 40 – we can begin again and not just survive, but thrive.